I spend a lot of time working with people, most of the time, I realize, the primary task is just to help them sort out the mess in their mind relating to their human experience. Otherwise people are generally smart and know what they want. More than they know.
This has given me a deep empathy and tolerance for people and their challenges. I don’t take a lot of things personally many times because i realize it’s most of the time not about me. I think the work has also given me empathy for my own personal human experience, and has helped me develop a gentleness towards my own personal challenges.
Let’s face it the human experience is hard! Not at a surface level, but at an existential level. Just being human is difficult enough. Many times i think the fact that we have so many tools and so much power at our disposal is overwhelming. It would help if that big machine called “Person” came with a manual right. I know i know…many people would probably not read it. But it would be great to have it as back up.Right?
What does a young mother do when her child becomes a teenager?
How to respond to a son that suddenly realizes that he is gay and you knew all along?
How do parents let go of their children when they are adults? Do they? Should they?
What about choosing a husband/wife? What’s the sure fire way of choosing a forever after? Is it ideal to have a forever after? Or should I dabble? Hold on, should i even get married? What’s marriage? How is it different from a wedding? So many questions, so few easy answers. And it doesn’t help me or the person sitting in front of me when I say “You make up your own rules”- that’s actually a mean response because it takes the poor person into a spiral of anxiety! Because I’m giving them their power back! That’s not useful! That’s not why they came to me.
They came to me because they think i have access to the secret manual. That this super manual is shared with secret societies in professions, perhaps to psychologists and to philosophers and to coaches. Maybe it is. The fact is, I don’t know. I know one thing for sure right now, the human experience is complex. It’s meant to be, just like the rest of the universe and our experience of it.
And that’s the beauty and power each of us need to appreciate and take up and use. Running away from the complex human experience diminishes you, and by you diminishing yourself, you are essentially then slowing down or dis-empowering the rest of the system! If we are all connected, then the system is only as powerful as its weakest element right?
This is not helping neh? It feeds right back to the anxiety that started your search in the first place?
Unfortunately, that’s the deal you get. Without a manual, you are left in the hands of people like us. Who perhaps have spent a lot more time studying the human condition, and also (hopefully for your sake) studying their own personal human experience. The best we can do, the best I (bold,underline, italic) can do as therapist, counsellor, coach is to give you clues and create a space to explore your own human experience.
I can’t save you from your powerful fate tho, at the end of the day you will have to decide: unleash the power and thrive (with all the angst that come with it) or you can cower and survive and merely exist for the rest of your life (with all the pain that go with it).
Either way- it’s your choice…and in a sense, you are choosing for all humanity.
I know I’m not helping. Have a lovely day 😊
(Excerpt from my upcoming book: Reflections on the science of Manifestation)