Charity, Aid, support, help, gift: it comes in many names….
The danger in giving someone the help they didn’t ask for lies in your expectations. For many people offer help with the expectations of appreciation, perhaps even celebration and validation. When that does not happen many become disenchanted, disillusioned and disappointed. Because then the receiver has been “ungrateful”. This may lead to dissatisfaction and resentment that affects the relating process between the giver and the receiver. This is typical in many intimate relationships, in relationships between parents and their children and relationships between friends.
Free yourself: Never give “help” to anyone that has not asked for it, unless you are giving to yourself.
The last part of that statement is very important. If you are going to give anything to anyone that has not asked for it, let the giving be because it feeds you to give to that person. Let it be that the value of the giving fills in you a need…to be human, to be helpful, to belong, whatever the need is, it behooves you to be conscious of what need you are fulfilling at that time. Whose need are you satisfying in your gesture? For you will know whether giving benefits the receiver more than the receiver, you will know wether that giving benefits the receiver more than the giver….but you will also know your part in the transaction. That way you can celebrate your benefit.
Truly I say unto you, there is no giving that does not benefit the giver. And therein lies the freedom of relating.
Knowing this truth should also reveal to you that to acknowledge that which you are given is then a gift in itself, for it exalts the giver. But most importantly it brings you to consciousness about the work you need to do, the energy you are giving and your part in the equation. By acknowledging the gift, you are multiplying the gift to yourself and to the giver.
Many people are uncomfortable with receiving gifts, and they protest and reject and debate against the hand that gives by saying things like “you shouldn’t have”, “oh I can’t”, etc. and others yet take arrogantly without acknowledgment. To the latter it is expected that others give to them for in their minds they deserve it more, to the former it is surprising that people want to give to them, for they don’t feel deserving. Neither position is useful to effective relating. We all deserve to receive as much as we are designed to give. We are all there in a transforming transaction of giving and receiving. And just as we give and share energy everyday, so it is the natural extension of that sharing to share the physical manifestations of that energy. We are an answer to each other’s quest.
Therefore remember to give without expectations and receive with humility and grace.
Excerpt from “Reflections on the science of manifestation”