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Musings

…about love and fear…

741affaad8331a6e1411986a9fb23accMy people, when you love someone and they love you too, but you are afraid to commit to them for whatever reason and you keep putting a wall between your heart and theirs…even as they keep showing you and telling you that they are ready: Be careful.
“Love” fades…not because they stop loving you but because they start hating the pain of rejection linked to their love for you. Soon they will stop chasing you. Soon they will also close the door. And when they do…it’s over.
While “love” seems to happen “automatically”, it’s not really automatic. It’s a decision making process that happens in a split of a split of a second. It’s a spontaneous recognition of that which one values in another that they recognize without thinking. It’s autonomic but not automatic. That’s why the old wisdom keeps saying “love is blind” – because it happens at the level below logic. But does not exclude it.
Two things can happen when people then become conscious of the effects of love:

  • they re-enforce the experience (e.g by rationalising why they love the person, why they deserve him or her, etc)
  • they go into anxiety mode. Where they, for example, self sabotage and rationalise to themselves either why they don’t deserve the love, why they shouldn’t love the person, why they can’t..etc.

All THAT is fear response. See love requires faith and you can’t have fear and be faithful at the same time. It’s like driving with your foot on the clutch. Soon something’s gonna burn.
So when you love someone, and you are really sure you do, but you can’t move to show that love, ask yourself what the source of your fear is…and deal with it. Have you been hurt in the past? Don’t you trust yourself to not hurt them? What if your heart will break? What happens when they die? These are dome of the common fears.
Whatever the fear- face it. If you don’t, they will soon realise that perhaps they don’t deserve a fearful person in their lives, a person who cannot take the risk for them…and when they become rational like that…there’s usually one response to their awareness: Moving on. Do you really want to lose the chance of love because you are afraid?

Wishing you a weekend of love and considered risk taking.

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About The Muse

I Coach Legends:You will never know who my clients are, but you have seen their work- you probably follow them! *smile* Music Executive,Academic,Entrepreneur, Passionate African-living with purpose!

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