I understand when sometimes parents are resentful of their talented offspring, or “actively participate” in their careers. In a fair world, Cissy Houston – otherwise known as “Whitney Houston’s mother”- is THE voice.
A lot of the vocal affectations of Whitney’s were 6 times present in Cissy’s voice. Not to say Whitney didn’t have her own tone, she absolutely did, but the foundations of many of her vocal gymnastics came directly from nurture.
This kind of unfair balance can create a sometimes difficult dynamic between parent and child, a love that turns toxic, A love that’s interfering, A self-sacrificing love.
Same pattern can be seen between Mariah Carey and her mother, who was a great vocalist herself but with very little of her award-winning daughter’s limelight.
It requires a lot of love, a lot of consciousness to manage this kind of dynamic to prevent it from becoming toxic. This is not just about singers, but for many of the sublimated talents of parents.
Sublimation is a defense mechanism named by Sigmund Freud to describe a way of dealing with unwanted feelings in the self by turning them into beautiful things.
Many parents sublimate without acknowledgement- and it’s this acknowledgement that hold the key to at least bringing some peace to a parent who feels their role, and talent were unfairly located.
Today, with changing social norms, it is possible for elders to explore more of their talents, and even succeed wildly – Rene Marie, a Jazz musician who started a successful jazz career at 40 something, Ralph Cranson who attained his movie success at 40 something and even later career bloomers like Roberta Flack and Yolanda Adams are great examples of how the changing social norms, self authorization as well as environmental support can enable people of all ages to attain greatness, or at least recognition of their talent.
Gregory Allport describes a concept called Propriate functional Autonomy to describe partly this process where people can turn their internal motives and direct them or satisfy them differently, albeit in the same or proximate area of interest. The mother becoming the manager of the artist, or the father becoming an entertainment lawyer ( you know who i’m talking about neh 😁 ).
The world can be unfair for the talented, especially if many feel that a lot is outside of their power to exploit their talent. A little consciousness, self authorisation and support from the environment can support many parents of talented progeny to deal with the envy and anxiety that may come with managing their talented progeny!
Mongezi C Makhalima, PhD is a Philanthropist, Entrepreneur, Top 50 Global Coach, Top 40 Change Champion with just over 30 years of working with organizations, people and leaders, about 20 of these in the creative sector working with music, films and theatre making.
The Museletter 
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